Oct
17
Healing Through Creativity: The Night Before
My next few blogs will be about an art festival that I have been looking forward to for a little over a month now–Healing Through Creativity.
Healing Through Creativity is an art festival for survivors of abuse and trauma and supporters of survivors. I have known about this festival for a few years, but never thought of going–That is, until a short film that I wrote a segment of was showing there and since this is the furthest a piece of my writing has gone, other than a book put together by my high school creative writing class and a few high school poetry contests and readings that I won, me and my boyfriend are traveling about six hours to West Virginia to see my writing and the film it was put in shown to I don’t even know how many people.
Excitement is just one feeling coursing itself through my being right now, we also have anxiety and of course, fear. What are the next three days going to be like? Who am I going to meet? What do I say to anyone who starts talking to me? What do I do with my hands when I’m talking to people? Yes, sadly, these are the questions I ask myself and more often than not, “What do I do with my hands?” is a very prominent question. I guess that’s why I’ve always been a writer; a behind the scenes type of person because I can never decide what to say or what my hands and arms should be doing when I’m saying it.
I’m supposed to read some of my poetry while there for an open mic and also for the filmmaker who made the film with my poetry. He is asking for one hour of reading to put the footage in another short film so while my poetry was in the first film, I will actually be in the next. I think that has a lot to do with the fear I feel. I used to do poetry readings once a week for a few years but I stopped going and soon became a recluse. I am not used to being around a lot of people or having to actually read my writing to a group of people and even when I did it years ago, I could feel and slightly hear my voice shaking, which is something I had meant to work on but instead opted to just stop doing it.
Frankly, the bottom line is that I want to go to this art festival and I want to have a great time. I want to read my writing and hopefully meet some fabulous people and take fabulous pictures and what my anxiety and fear comes down to is that I have a hard time giving myself what I want. I moved out of my father’s house when I was 17 years old and I have worked since that moment forward to give myself my own life and what ends up happening with me is that I work and work and work and very infrequently do I indulge myself with something or with doing something that I want. So here is a lesson for all of you people out there with goals and dreams that you have been working so hard towards–Working is great, but sometimes you need a little breather time and you need to give yourself something that you want and in this case, I am going to the Healing Through Creativity art festival, fear and all, and I am going to read my writing, fear and all and who cares if my voice shakes or if I feel like I am going to throw up? I want to do it and so I am going to. Wish me luck.
I think you are going to have an amazing time. It’s difficult when you’re behind the scenes all the time to be in the spotlight, but think of all of the people you’re helping. You can do this and enjoy it at the same time;)
you’ve so got this!! GO FOR IT!!
You will be great!! Just think, I stumbled onto your blog today, I’ve never been here before, I read some of your posts and YOU HAVE MADE A HUGE LIGHTBULB GO OFF IN MY HEAD!!!!! YOUR blog has made me realize why I’ve been doing what I’ve been doing for the past few years!! I’m trying to heal myself… This all makes so much sense now!! I have a gazillion crafts in progress down in my basement, I’ve been searching and searching for something that is “mine” something that will make other people feel good, while making me feel good that I made it for them. Every craft I’m doing has something to do with karma, good feelings, love, healing, gratitude etc…. I have three huge binders full of “self-help” quotes and stories… All therapy for my abusive past…
THANK YOU SO MUCH for sorta “giving it a name” and I’m going to check out that art festival, it sounds right up my alley!
Don’t you doubt yourself, you will be a huge success, I just know it. I don’t even know you, but I will be praying for you and sending good vibes your way.
Respectfully and with much gratitude,
Monica
p.s. - I put your badge on my blog and your going on my blogroll
Monica
I hope the reading went really well. I am in the process of healing myself both mentally and physically and then sharing it with the world. I’m glad you’re doing the same too. It seems like the best thing to do is make ourselves happy and then everything else falls into place.